


Where Are We?

by cdenzelj



Category: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-12 08:48:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29132841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cdenzelj/pseuds/cdenzelj
Summary: Nick and Natalie discuss the future
Kudos: 1





	Where Are We?

Late afternoon sunlight warmed the bedroom, waking Nick from his deeply restful sleep. He sighed and stretched, rolling in the sheets, half expecting to feel Natalie’s form beside him. When he found he side of the bed was cool, he sat up.

Remembering what Natalie had told him about his lucid dreams, he took a quick inventory of his senses, shaking the sleep from his head.

He could hear chickadees in the elm tree near the window, and he could smell the scent of lilacs, their blossoms wide open to the sunlight. He could picture bees and hummingbirds dancing and flitting around the violets and lilies in the flowerbeds around the porch, and was satisfied when his creative mind failed to materialize the image. _Good, you’re really awake._

Nick smiled and rolled on her side of the bed, taking in a deep breath of her scent. _Gotta be around two or three. Where is she?_

 _It’s Sunday so she’s not moving the horses. She’s either doing groceries or watching TV,_ he mused. _I don’t hear the TV. Music? No. Huh, I can’t even hear her move downstairs. Probably in the barn._

It was such a simple thing, that she listened to him the night before and decided that he desperately needed sleep, and turned off his ringer and alarm.

He could smell beef roast coming from the pot downstairs and the sharp pain of hunger made itself known. He groaned and got out of bed, heading to the dresser for his clothes.

_God, I can’t remember a time I’ve been so incredibly happy. I already feel like I’m home. She treats me so good; loves me good, feeds me good— God, no more take-out menus!— She makes me want to earn it. I’m a better man this way. I don’t ever want this to end._

Being the masochist that he was, Nick began to imagine a life without her. How his bed in the city felt so cold and big without her. _Deeper than that…_ He closed his eyes tight, trying to resist the press of images grinding their way into his mind. _You don’t have to do this to yourself…_ He imagined someone else in his place; anyone else that could possibly love her like he did, hold her in the dark, chase her through the woods, dance with her in the kitchen.

His fingers curled on his navy shirt. _Oh God, if_ _she married someone else… filled this house with his… his children?_ He shook his head, biting back the stabbing pain reaching up from his heart to choke him. _No! You don’t have to think about it._

_You sure this isn’t just a honeymoon phase? You know… flood of serotonin for a few months and then it wears off? You don’t usually have a habit of moving so fast._

He thought about how warm and full he felt, finally being able to talk and express and cry in front of her, free to expose his scars to the light.

 _We’ve been over this. And you can keep going with that all you want, but I know I love her._ Her laugh was so intoxicating, he couldn’t help but laugh with her. _I don’t usually have a habit of loving a woman_.

_You believe you do. Being in love is—_

_—Different than loving someone. You can fall out of love, but you never stop loving someone. And belief implies a degree of doubt. I know this. And you won’t convince me otherwise. _

Nick dressed quickly and headed downstairs. Though his biting hunger was nagging him, he walked straight past the crock pot, pulled on his boots and dashed outside.

_You’re insightful, reasonable. Smart. Just want you to think before you do anything stupid. You sure this isn’t because you’re crazy attracted to her? Everything she does turns you on._

_I’ve told myself so many times this is just a phase. I’ve told myself it’s too fast, ‘cuz that’s what everyone else would say. I’ve heard about how love feels like sparks, and for the first time, I get it, because I feel that._

_So you’re cherry-picking information now?_

_No. I’ve never felt such a strong objection to a thought. I know what’s right and what isn’t because my heart screams over you, and it won’t be ignored._

_Well… it seems I’m overruled, then._

Nick walked to the barn, stuffing his hands in his pockets. _You don’t have a ring._

_This is the most impulsive thing I’ve ever done. What am I gonna say? Where to start?_

Natalie was leaning with her arms through the gate of Ranger’s paddock. When she heard him, she turned with a warm smile on her lips. “Mornin’ Sunshine. Feel better?”

He surged forward, wrapping her in his arms and claiming her mouth in a heated, desperate kiss that left both burning and breathless. “We gotta talk,” he whispered.

She giggled, curling her fingers in his shirt. “There’s too many tongues in my mouth.”

“I’d apologize, but I’m not sorry,” he replied. “I’ve been thinking a lot and um… do… do you ever think about… where this is going? Us?”

She tipped her head. “You okay?”

“Never better,” he assured her. “I just want… I wanna make sure… God I don’t even know how—“

She touched his face, holding her steady gaze on his. “I love you, Nick. I want whatever you want.” His heart felt light enough to fly right out of his chest. His tender smile lit up his eyes.

“I want you,” he said softly, too drunk on emotion to calm himself. “I wanna marry you. Have a family with you.”

She blinked, too shocked to say anything for a long moment. “I—“

“I know you must be thinking ‘this is too soon, it’s only been a couple months’. And I know I don’t have a ring or anything yet, I just rolled out of bed needing to say this and I know that I’m… I’m not as young as I once was—“

“Nick! Would you shut up a second?” He did, swallowing hard. _Oh God, please don’t leave me._ “That’s all that I want from you, too. I just wasn’t sure you were there yet.”

He laughed through a sigh and hugged her tight, shuddering as the nerves left her body. Her arms snaked around his neck and she laughed against his ear. “God, I love you so much.”

They held each other for a long time until she rocked her hips against his. “C’mon, food time.” She slipped her hand in his.

“So what do you say?”

“Which part?”

“Marrying me.”

“You didn’t ask,” she chuckled. “You told me that’s what you want.”

He stopped short, taking her other hand and dropping to a knee. “Beloved brat of mine,” he said with a playful grin. “Will you marry me?”

She nodded, laughing wholeheartedly. “You know I will.” He stood up. “You’re gonna live here, then? I thought the lab director has to live in San Diego?”

“As long as I live in the county.”

“Okay. And about kids…”

“We can cross that bridge when we come to it—“

“What’s your number?”

He felt his face flush red and he rubbed the nape of his neck. “Umm… honestly? I’ve pictured a full house.”

“There are four other rooms, Nick.”

“I was thinking… five or six.” She inhaled sharply, making him blush deeper. “I love kids.”

“Well, my patience is not infinite.”

“What’re you thinking?”

“Mmm… three.”

“What if we have two sets of twins?”

“It stops there, Nick.”

“Fair enough. I’ll get a vasectomy after three.”

“You’d do that?”

He shrugged. “Least I can do. It’s a lot to ask you to carry three, and it’s even less fair to make you get fixed. That’s six weeks of healing from a major surgery for you, twenty minutes for me.”

“Aww… Who taught you to be so thoughtful?”

“My mom and six sisters,” he chuckled. “And it turns me on when you make that sound.”

“And don’t think that I’m gonna do everything,” she warned.

“Well I can’t breastfeed—“

“Not that!”

“But everything else!” he chortled. “I wouldn’t dream of taking off and leaving you all the work. It never crossed my mind that this won’t be equal.”

“Even waking up every two hours?”

“We’ll take shifts.”

“Diapers.”

“We’re CSIs! We’ve seen WAY worse!”

“Oh, right.”

“Nothing’ll change because you’re my queen, and I want to spend the rest of my life making myself worth it.”

“When did you decide you wanted to be a dad? Couldn’t’ve been just now when you rolled out of bed.”

“No umm… I guess it was when I was with my first girlfriend.” He glanced at her, fully expecting her to show some shade of jealously, but she had none. “We went to go see _Overboard_ when it came out.”

“A group of rowdy boys raised by Kurt Russell?”

“It wasn’t that prt, it was towards the end when Annie got her memory back and left with her real husband… that’s when I figured out I’m a sucker for emotional pain. But how heartbroken those poor boys were when they lost someone they thought of as a mom. And I actually cried. My girl teased me a bit, and I think that’s when I decided to just keep things like that bottled up.”

“That’s so damn stupid of her.”

“Well, I decided I loved kids and that they need stability and security, and I would make absolutely sure before I had any of my own that I’d find a woman who I could never divorce, who would love the real me, and who I could love unconditionally. That’s why it’s taken me so long.”

“You’d be willing to die without kids if you never found the right woman?”

“I would,” he answered bluntly. “If I was worried about my own needs, I’d already have a full house.”

“Well, that’s all I really need to know,” she said, kissing him deeply.


End file.
